there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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