remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
