Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
