Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
