I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
