No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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