no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
