before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
