I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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