I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
