I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize