i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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