he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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