apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
