um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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