i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
