I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize