she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
