I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
