I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude. I can hear the air.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
