i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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