The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
