im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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