meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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