i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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