i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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