I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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