I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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