**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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