It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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