May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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