just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't deserve a penis
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am naked and annoyed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
