I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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