I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
