yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
