i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
