Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
