so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
