what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
