i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
