i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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