Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wear drunk well.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
