Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
