Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
