We won't sleep together?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
