Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
