I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
