Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
