Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
