why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
