In America we eat man semen.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
