how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize