He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
