to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
