Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
