she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
