If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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