woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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