i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
