My sheets look like a crime scene.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
