Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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