You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
