So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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