real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
