it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
