Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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