U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
