dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
